How to Help Your Child With Anxiety When It Makes You Anxious Too

If your child or teen struggles with anxiety, you’ve likely felt it in your own body too. Not just fleeting concern, but that racing heart, tight chest, and endless loop of “what if” thoughts that keep you up at night.

You’re not alone.

Millions of parents experience this. When your child is in distress, your nervous system responds. You want to help, you want to protect, and you want to fix it quickly. But when their anxiety triggers your own, it can feel overwhelming. I know that feeling well.

This blog is for you, the parent who is feeling anxious and worried about your child’s anxiety. Let’s explore what you can do to support them and take care of yourself at the same time.

Anxiety in Parents Is Normal and Understandable

Anxiety is your brain’s way of trying to keep you and your child safe. When your child is anxious, your body often interprets that as a threat too. This isn’t a flaw, it’s part of how we’re wired. Our nervous systems are deeply connected to those we love.

This connection is called co-regulation. Your child’s emotional state can affect yours, and your calm presence can help settle them in return. It’s one of the reasons your wellbeing matters so much.

Soothe Your Own Nervous System First

When anxiety flares up, start by calming your own body. This helps you respond rather than react, and it sends a signal of safety to your child.

Try these calming tools:

• Lengthen Your Exhale : Inhale for 3-4 counts and exhale slowly for 6 to 8 counts, repeat a few times
• Grounding with your senses: Name 10 things you can see around you that are coloured blue
• Gentle movement: Stretch, shake your hands, or step outside for fresh air.
• Reassuring self-talk: Say, “This is hard, but we’re okay.”

These small actions help tell your brain that there’s no immediate danger, even when things feel intense.

Speak Kindly to Yourself

Your inner critic might show up in moments of stress. It might whisper:

• “I should be handling this better.”
• “What if this never improves?”
• “This must be my fault.”

Pause. Ask yourself: Would I say this to a friend?

Try replacing harsh thoughts with compassionate ones:

• “We’re having a tough moment, it won’t always be like this.”
• “I don’t need all the answers right now; just the next step.”
• “My love and presence are enough.”

Separate Your Feelings from Theirs

Sometimes, our child’s anxiety stirs up our own past worries. It helps to ask yourself:

• “Is this about my child, or something from my own story?”
• “Am I reacting to the current moment, or to my fear of what might happen?”

By gently noticing the difference, you stay grounded and better able to support your child with calm awareness.

Acknowledge and Normalise Your Emotions

It’s okay to feel anxious. It’s okay to feel unsure, overwhelmed, or even frustrated. You’re human, and you care deeply.

You might say:

• “I’m feeling anxious right now, and that makes sense.”
• “This moment feels big, but it won’t last forever.”

Naming emotions helps reduce their intensity and shows your child that emotions are manageable—not something to fear or avoid.

Get the Support You Deserve

Caring for an anxious child is emotionally demanding. You don’t have to do it all alone.

Support can look like:

• Talking to a GP or mental health professional
• Reaching out to other parents who understand
• Connect with BeyondBlue or the Raising Children Network
• Creating small daily rituals to care for yourself
• Learn more about how to support your child or teen

You matter in this story too. The more supported you feel, the more support you can offer your child.

Your Calm is Their Anchor

Your child doesn’t need perfection. They need your steady, compassionate presence.

Start with you. Breathe. Speak kindly to yourself. Reach out when needed.

You’re not alone in this. And you’re doing better than you think.