Understanding Anxiety in Children & Teens: What Every Parent Needs to Know to Help

If you’re parenting an anxious child or teen, you may find yourself constantly asking:
“Is this normal? Am I doing the right thing? Should I be worried?”

First, let’s start here: you are not alone.
Anxiety in children is one of the most common mental health challenges today, but thankfully, it’s also one of the most treatable.

It can impact the whole family and so the more you understand about how anxiety works in kids and teens, the more empowered you’ll feel to support your child with confidence and compassion.

What Is Anxiety, really?

Anxiety is not a flaw or weakness. It’s a natural survival response that helps protect us from danger. Think of it as the brain’s alarm system.

When a child feels threatened (whether physically, emotionally, or socially), their brain activates the “fight, flight, or freeze” system:

• Fight: anger, arguing, outbursts
• Flight: withdrawal, avoidance, school refusal
• Freeze: shutting down, zoning out, unable to respond

For many anxious kids and teens, their alarm system is over-sensitive, going off even when there’s no real danger. This is why situations like school, tests, sleepovers, or social events can feel terrifying, even if everything appears fine on the surface.

Signs of Anxiety in Kids and Teens

Because anxiety in children can show up in different ways, it can sometimes be mistaken for defiance, laziness, or even attention-seeking. A wonderful quote to remember by the wonderful Child & Adolescent Psychologist Dr Chris McCurry is ‘all behaviour is a message‘.

Here are some common signs to watch for:

Physical symptoms:

• Stomach aches
• Headaches
• Trouble sleeping
• Racing heart
• Nausea
• Sweaty palms

Behavioral signs:

• School refusal
• Avoidance
• Irritability or anger outbursts
• Clinginess or separation anxiety
• Perfectionism or fear of making mistakes

Emotional and cognitive signs:

• Excessive worry or “what if” thinking
• Fear of something bad happening to parents
• Negative self-talk (“I can’t do it”, “Everyone will laugh at me”)
• Difficulty concentrating

Why Early Understanding Matters

The earlier we recognise anxiety, the better. Not because you need to rush to “fix” it, but because firstly, naming it brings relief. And understanding removes the fear around anxiety.

When kids understand that anxiety is:

• Normal
• Common
• Manageable

…it takes away the worry of “what’s wrong with me?” and gives you both a starting place for learning tools and strategies.

What Causes Anxiety in Children?

While no one cause explains every case, some common contributors include:

• Genetics (a family history of anxiety)
• Temperament (some children are naturally more cautious or sensitive)
• Life events (trauma, illness, transitions like starting school)
• Parent modeling (children absorb how adults handle stress)
• The world around them (global uncertainty, academic pressure, social media)

The important thing to remember: anxiety is not caused by your parenting.
Your job now is to support your child with knowledge, empathy, and consistent tools.

How Parents Can Help

Teach them about anxiety

Explain that anxiety is their brain’s way of trying to keep them safe, but sometimes it gets a little overprotective.

“Your brain is acting like a smoke alarm that goes off even when you just burnt the toast.”

Practice calming strategies

• Slower breaths (longer exhale than inhale)
• Mindfully experiencing a hot chocolate with all their senses
• Walking on the grass in bare feet and noticing all of the different sensations

Avoid the avoidance trap

When kids avoid what makes them anxious, anxiety grows stronger. Gently encourage small steps forward with your support.

Validate First

Always lead with empathy

“I can see this feels really scary right now but I know you can get through it”.

Get professional help if needed

If anxiety is significantly interfering with daily life, school, friendships, or activities; reaching out to a GP or child psychologist can offer huge relief.

The Good News: Anxiety Is Treatable

With the right support, anxious children and teens can absolutely thrive. They can learn to manage their anxiety, build resilience, and live full, vibrant lives.

Every moment you spend learning, listening, and supporting your child matters.

You’ve got this.
And your child does too.

👉 Want more practical tools to support your anxious child? Subscribe to my newsletter or share this post with another parent who needs these gentle reminders today.

P.S. I’ve been working on something to support parents just like you…stay tuned!! J x