When Your Child’s Anxiety Makes You Anxious Too: What You Can Do

If your child or teen struggles with anxiety, you’ve likely felt it in your own body too. Not just fleeting concern, but that racing heart, tight chest, and endless loop of “what if” thoughts that keep you up at night.

You’re not alone.

Millions of parents experience this. When your child is in distress, your nervous system responds. You want to help, you want to protect, and you want to fix it quickly. But when their anxiety triggers your own, it can feel overwhelming.

This blog is for you, the parent who is feeling anxious and worried about your child’s anxiety. Let’s explore what you can do to support them, and take care of yourself in the process.

Anxiety in Parents Is Normal and Understandable

Anxiety is your brain’s way of trying to keep you and your child safe. When your child is anxious, your body often interprets that as a threat too. This isn’t a flaw; it’s part of how we are wired. Our nervous systems are deeply connected to those we love.

This is known as co-regulation. Your child’s emotional state can affect yours, and your calm presence can help settle them in return. It’s a powerful connection, and one of the reasons your wellbeing matters so much.

Step 1: Soothe Your Own Nervous System First

When anxiety flares up, start by calming your own body. This helps you respond rather than react, and it sends a signal of safety to your child.

Try these calming tools:

• Lengthening your exhale: Inhale for 4, exhale for 6.
• Grounding with your senses: Name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste.
• Gentle movement: Stretch, shake your hands, or step outside for fresh air.
• Self-talk: Try saying, “This is hard, but I’m okay.”

These techniques help tell your brain that there’s no immediate danger, even when things feel intense.

Step 2: Speak Kindly to Yourself

When your child is anxious, your inner critic might show up too. It might say things like:

• “I should be handling this better.”
• “What if this never improves?”
• “This must be my fault.”

Pause, and ask yourself, “Would I say this to a friend?” Replace harsh thoughts with compassionate ones:

• “I’m having a tough moment, this won’t last forever.”
• “I don’t need all the answers right now; I just need the next step.”
• “My love and presence are enough.”

Step 3: Separate Your Feelings from Theirs

Sometimes, our child’s anxiety stirs up our own past worries or fears. It can help to gently ask:

• “Is this about my child, or am I feeling something from my own story?”
• “Am I responding to the current moment, or my fear of what might happen?”

By noticing the difference, you can stay more grounded and support your child from a place of calm awareness.

Step 4: Acknowledge and Normalise Your Emotions

It’s okay to feel anxious. It’s okay to feel unsure, overwhelmed, or even frustrated. You are human, and you care deeply.

Try saying:

• “I’m feeling anxious right now, and that makes sense.”
• “This moment feels big, but it won’t last forever.”

Naming emotions helps reduce their intensity and shows your child that feelings are manageable, not something to fear or avoid.

Step 5: Get the Support You Deserve

Caring for an anxious child is emotionally demanding. You don’t have to do it alone.

Support could look like:

• Talking to a GP or therapist
• Reaching out to other parents in similar situations
• Creating small daily rituals that nourish your own wellbeing

You matter in this story too. The more supported you feel, the more support you can offer your child.

Your Calm is Their Anchor

You don’t need to be a perfect parent. Just a present one. Even when you feel anxious. Especially then.

Every time you take a deep breath, every time you choose connection over control, every time you show up with empathy, you’re helping your child feel safe. That’s the kind of parenting that changes lives.

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips, tools, and support, lovingly designed for parents of anxious children and teens.